How it all went down...
Ok, so Christina has bugged me enough until I finally decided to update my blog. (happy now?) And the most recent thing going on in my life is that I am single. Yes, everyone... it is true. Once again, I am alone in the shambles of my own emotion. Here is how it all went down:
I woke up and realized that half of my soul was suddenly missing; a part of myself I had grown especially fond of being around. I rolled awkwardly off the bed and flopped onto the cold, hard floor for my morning prayers. "Dear Heavenly Father, Can you hear me today as I bellow like a stubborn mule about the things I know I need? Can't you see that I know what I want?" Frustrated, I stand up... only to fall back down. It is like I am a different person. All hope of happiness feels like a distant memory that will never revisit the Land of Stephanie ever again.
With all the seemingly unbearable pain I did what any heartbroken soul would have done. I angrily reached my hand within the confines of my chest cavity and ripped my own broken heart from it's cozy home (this is all very similar to that scene in Indiana Jones). What good was it there now anyway? A heart cannot live in a cold and barren wasteland. I watched it pump slower with each gasping rhythm. I watched it bleed dry and harden to stone. I threw it down that familiar slope and watched it roll through the slimiest mud holes...
But after all of that, all of the horrid things I had put my heart through. All of the pain and misery it had to endure, I realized something amazing and I decided to take it back! After all, it is mine... right? I ran clumsily down the hill, watching as the other half of my body began to spring little arms and legs. I was healing... growing back to the person I was before all of the heartache! I performed an Olympic worthy dive toward my broken heart and picked it up. I rubbed the grass and lint and mud off of it and gave it a big hug. I took a deep breath and shoved my cold heart back into my chest, and with a warming jolt, it began beating for joy!
So, that is pretty much how it all went down. I'm all better now (phew!) and at least I can say that it didn't kill me. That's right folks... Stephanie is back and ready for more! I shall continue living (much to the approval of a few close friends) and as much as it scares me, I will learn to love again! Muahahahahaha!
By the way, those photos to the left are just some shots from a spot downtown today. I saw this sweet building on my way home from a meeting and then decided to take a few extra shots.
2 comments:
HOLY CRAP I LOVVVVE THOSE SHOTS!!!!!! SO SUPER AWESOME I HAVE TO ADMIDT I AM JEALOUS THAT I DID NOT TAKE THOSE SHOTS. BUt I am use to being jealous of all your shots! some day I will catch up with you! LOL
And I also think you need to be a writer!!! I could never be so descriptive and emotional with writing. YOu are multi demential with your writing I am more 1 dimential. LOL Can't wait until you have a book out and are a super star with Photography!!!! I LOVE YOU & MISS YOU A TON!!!
Stephanie..:) I have to agree with Christina about the pictures. But when do you ever take a bad picture these days? lol. Your pictures always have a distinct beauty to them. That scream Stephanie took these! And I loved this post. So honest. John and I went to it last night and he read the first couple sentences and apparently stopped reading bc when I got done reading he was like..so what was that about? haha. Dudes. So I gave him a quick rundown. But Steph I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time bc this sounds just like many conversations I have had with heavenly father. I know exactly what you are feeing. And now I have the same struggles between remaining optimistic and sometimes just getting frustrated with Heavenly Father. Why aren't you giving me what I NEED! lol. I have gone back and forth with this thoughout our desparate job hunt. We are waiting to hear back from a job still right now. I had a different feeling about this interview and job but we were supposed to have heard back from them already. :( So now I am just trying to be patient and know that the Lord knows what is best for us. Isn't it frustrating? Waiting for things you need? Ha pregnancy is kind of like that too. Most days I am laughing at little Eli's hiccups or him moving around. Picturing his sweet little face looking up at me. His Mommy. :) And other days I'm just thinking boy I'll be glad when he is out. Anyway..this is getting long so I better end it. But I am proud of you and your willingness to endure. And don't worry when you have those not so optimistic days...its all a part of the process and as your story goes..the next minute you may be filled with so much love there is no room to be sad. I love you Noodle.
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